As I've mention in a previous post I worked for a few
years at a day care and have a son who is a little over one year old. This
means that I have dealt with my share of diaper disasters.
I would like to share with you some of my favorite/least
favorite, omg so gross moments.
The Escapee
This happens when
the child in question no longer feels that they should be subjected to the
fetters of contained poop or pee and makes a run for it. This may occur either
mid-diaper change or after said child masters the tabs of the diaper. It can be
difficult to chase them as you might be laughing very hard at their little
bottom or you might feel like tearing your hair out and bursting into tears. It
all depends on the number of times this occurs in a day and/or if you are
having a
just need to
go to the drug store to get the happy pills before it closes and will you
please come back here so I can put that diaper on right now, moment.
The Artful Pooper
The world is a canvas and anything that spreads well is
paint. And you just had to feed the beast tacos last night.
The Car Seat Disaster
While not actually comparable to the Titanic, it can seem
that way when one is travelling down an interstate, far from running water and
hears the dreaded wet fart noise of poo defying the laws of gravity. The smell
wafting from the back seat will indeed remind one of biological weapons or
chemical spills. And like Lady Macbeth, the car seat will never come clean, no
matter how many wipes you use.
P.S. I would recommend leaving the soiled romper on the
side of the highway to rot but that’s not fair to any small animals or hobos
that might wander into the area.
The Fountain of Doom
Newborn babies like to pee, poo, eat and sleep. But they
LOVE peeing when they are not wearing a diaper.
For those of you with newborn girls this may mean a table flood for
those of use with boys it means a shooting contests with no clear winners. The
pee will literally get everywhere and the range is impressive. Especially if
farting is involved, it’s like a jet pack for pee delivery. Due to my c-section
we were pretty much spending most of our time in the Badger’s room and had a
very clear line of where it was safe to place tables, books, toys. We
occasionally broke the rules, like when I had to wrap a wedding gift for a
cousin. We placed the remaining paper on the floor to change Badger’s diaper
and but it was unknowingly in the fire zone. The Instructor tried to rescue it
by kicking it away but it only managed to become more soaked. I can still here
that spatter of the poor paper being destroyed.
The Quick Look-See
This is to check if there is poop in the diaper before
you tackle the baby/toddler onto the diaper changing station of your choice.
This may be a lifesaver but if you have a back poo situation you will spend
some time dry heaving and trying to get your fingernails clean.
The Smell-Test
Better than the Look-See in that your likelihood of
unknowingly touching poo is reduced (unless there was a silent leak, until this
moment oddly odour-free poo) But it is kind of weird and you are likely
to get kicked in the face.
The Mystery Poo
You don’t see it coming; you don’t smell it coming, but suddenly
there is a turd in your living room or bathroom or bedroom. Where did it come from? You check the diaper and it is
weirdly poo smear-free. You silently cry as you clean your carpet (or if you
are lucky tile). This unfortunate event actually happened at the daycare one
day after nap. It resulted in the lock down and the need to decontaminate an
entire room. I almost quit that day.
The Tub Poo
This work of art is difficult to contain and results in a
long term decontamination effort. It is slightly better if done in the baby
tub, you might be helpless to stop it but at least you can rinse the child and dump the tub water in the toilet. With older children, especially with more than one in the
tub, you get the same effects of the mystery turd, but with more screaming and
having to fish it out a-la-Caddy Shack.
The Escape from The Floor
Badger will literally twist himself around so he can gain
leverage from the floor and push out of my arms while I’m holding onto his
ankles. He is like a road runner when he doesn’t want his diaper on.
Again thanks for reading and enjoy the bonus comics.
