Poorly Drawn Honey Badger Explains it All

So many changes for the Mama Yorba household, for example we have a new house, which really changes things up. I have also started writing for the Examiner, which is really fun and shiny.

I have really been battling with my OCD in the last few weeks. Moving is a huge trigger. Having to touch all the stuff I have deemed “unclean” is a struggle, as is actually throwing stuff away. Not wanting to ever be featured on the show, “Hoarders” really helps.

But even with all that drama for your mama’s head I have managed to make a nice home. It no longer looks like honey badgers are camping in my living spaces.  

Because sometimes there is nothing else to say...

MOCAFE MATCHA GREEN TEA

Super Summer Fruit Latte

1 packet of Mocafe Matcha Green Tea

6 oz of milk

6 strawberries

 2 peaches

1 banana

¼ cup of vanilla yogurt

Optional – 1/8 cup of chocolate or white chocolate chips

Blend the tea packet and milk first.  Chop up fruit and add to mixture, blend more. Add yogurt to thicken mixture, blend. Add chocolate or white chocolate chips.

Pour into a glass and enjoy a super fun dance party in your mouth. 

Notes:

This drink can be kind of a funky green after you add the fruit, so it might be a good idea to add a few drops of green dye. I didn’t mind the color and preferred to keep it a little more natural.

Add more yogurt for a creamier drink.

I thought that the powder smelled kind of like chocolate when I pour it in the blender.

I really did enjoy the drink and hope you do as well. I think they should totally serve it at Biggby Coffee! Thanks to Mocafe for provided me with the sample.

Spots, dots, Polka dot

We are going through a bout of summer illness and it isn’t much fun. First the weather was way hot and now this.

Little Badger had hand, foot and mouth. We thought we were bad parents because we kept him up late to go to the drive-in movies. I swear I thought he would fall asleep in the back on the blanket bed I made. But it was really the dread pirate* illness of hand, foot and mouth.  Oh well at least I can feel better about dragging him to the movies.

Fun Fact 1: The virus is contagious 2 days before symptoms are apparent.

Fun Fact 2: It is yucky!

*Not actually a disease widely spread by pirates, more common with grubby, pirate-like toddlers, so like all of them.

He is healing fairly quickly and now he is getting frustrated with Mama because, now I’m sick. I’m really hoping I got exposed to hand, foot, and mouth at the daycare.

Since we cannot have our typical fun time dance party. 

I've come up with a list of fun games to play while ill and cowering on the futon, while trying not to get kicked in the head by a pirate or ninja baby.

Mommy is sleeping try not to wake her up. No actually sleeping involved, however you do get to rest your eyes for about 5 seconds

Mommy is a mountain.  This allows your toddler to happily climb while possibly giving you kidney damage and/or a concussion.

Mommy is throwing some s*%#. Look a ball, you should get that and possibly not throw it back at my head.

Oh, look PBS offers several hours of quality programming. Let’s rot our brains together. Yay! Bonding! Every show but Barney… he is dead to me. I don’t think you know the song. I’ll sing it to you when you are older, except you won’t know what I’m talking about because Barney doesn’t exists.

Let’s lay on the floor and color or build with blocks.

Pretend this is the floor with blocks, and crayons and ABC  goldfish. Yeah, I don't mean they are shaped like ABCs I mean like old bubble gum.

Tickle time and kissy face. Your toddler wants to make you feel better and does not understand the concept of germs. Wheee! 

The one where I claim to be a poet

While looking for my resume I realized a couple of things. One is I really need to organize my computer files. Two is I used to write poems that were really thoughtful and weird. I titled this one Molly's Crappy Poem but seeing it with new eyes and a few edits I think it's only moderately silly. Enjoy. 

No Money Down 

She said, “Forget the donkey.”

We left him at the city gate

Slogging forward on foot,  

our eyes adjust to the smog-filtered light.

Old newspapers bloom toadstools

 from abandoned corners

fresh mold stains sidewalks

Flyers screaming, “NO MONEY DOWN”

Float free

Like tumble weeds

Or plastered chain link fences

and

smack wetly under our boots

Faded headlines proclaim,

“Barbie gets a boob job”

and

“Get Rich without TRYING”

Backlit billboard sit low

On the horizon like

Idling UFO’s

Rabid duck gather

Under street lights

preening, wild-eyed ladies of the night.

We stop at in front of a

Crumbling sandstone tower

plastered with the ads of the century.

My companion smiles toothlessly

at the image of her former self

advertising tooth whiting cream.

I rub my finger nubs along a glossy, torn photo of

Me, flashing neon-glow-in-the-dark- press-on-nails

We add our spit

To the puddle

watering

The milkweed monarchy

And go sleep at a train station

Where the fire below fans the red

hair of my companion into a halo of regret.

ant dat!

Badger has reached the “WANT THAT NOW “stage of his development. Well, I guess he has been in that stage forever but now he is able to verbally express it. As well as voice his displeasure loudly and repetitively if necessary.

It started off slowly, we would pass by a sunglass rack or something similar in the store and he would shout “Ant DAT! Uh uh” To which stupidly, I often replied “Eh, what’s the harm” and let him play with stuff. Unfortunately, this leads to loud screams of despair when play time is over and Badger doesn’t much like it either.

I’m slowly learning through negative reinforcement that it’s better that I just walk on by, often grim faced, my feet keeping time to the sound track of “antdatantantantdatantdatANNNNTTTDATTTT”

I often find myself almost rushing to find something anything that the Badger cannot break into that will distract him for the rest of the shopping trip. Let me tell you it came down to a jar of bread chunks the other day at the specialty grocer. Who buys that anyway at 5 dollars a pop?

I do love when we are sitting together for a meal and he points and says “ant dat ess” which, appears to mean want that cheese. It is a good feeling knowing that we are teaching a Badger to communicate his wants and needs.

Thank goodness he is a cutie!

I Brake for Yard Sales

I have a new hobby for the summer. YARD SALES. Did you know you can find stuff there. Stuff that other people have used sure, and I draw the line at any open lotions or topical female area treatments. Yes, some lady really put out a container of vag powder.

Not really sure on the thought process behind that one. "Oh, I could always say it belonged to my sister and I really don't want it in my bathroom anymore. I know I'll get a quarter for it at the yard sale." How about no, how about you open that trash bag over there and deposit it into it.

I also saw someone trying to sell an open bottle of low end -buy-it-at-Wal-Mart-for-a-1.60- lotion for 2 dollars. Just because it's old doesn't make it limited addition.

You also see some really cool stuff. Like a smoker for the grill, playhouses, and a ton of baby clothes. Badger got a nice summer wardrobe for like 12 dollars total.

I also love to get a deal. I'm a pretty reserved person but I usually will haggle at yard sales. I guess because most of the stuff that I sold at my last one got talked down at least 50 cents. It is kind of a high to get the "deal".

Badger is good with the yard sailing (haahaa pun) he likes the walking part but not so much the looking. He did manage to snag some stacking cups off a table. I ended up buying them, because unlike a store where we can just leave if he pitches a fit, the wails carry for miles if he starts up. Haha.

I am also doing better than ever. A few years ago I couldn't have looked through other peoples old stuff without needing a shower afterwards. Now, I am able pick stuff up and maybe even buy a cup of lemonade. It feels like freedom and I like it.